Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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