It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
