Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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