I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So much Jack, so little girl.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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