Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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