i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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