I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
