Sry I called you an 8
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
