you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
