Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He passed out mid-signature
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
