Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
