I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
