She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
What changed your mind?
Being sober
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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