if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
