Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
So squirting runs in the family.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
