Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
