Apparently you make a good broom.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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