my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i think my tv is drunk
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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