Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
