i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize