Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
