i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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