i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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