do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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