I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
