not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
