Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
