I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
