fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
