those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
they need to just BURY HIM!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
