she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
