you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
