if you like me you must not know who I am
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize