onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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