I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
