Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
