The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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