maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
