I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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