My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
