no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
