Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
