We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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