Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
