I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
