Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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