I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
