Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
