when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
