Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize