Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
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