All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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