Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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