i don't like sucking hair
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Randomize
