Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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