I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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