end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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