my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
