i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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