6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Ketchup is God's man juice
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
