I could make wine with my vomit
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
