yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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