part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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