dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
whose parrot is this?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
