pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
