Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
