I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
