Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
