her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
