i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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