I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
