So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
