my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
