remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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