Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
