I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
