i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
porn star boner night. come get it.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
NoShamevember. You game?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
