I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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