Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
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