Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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