Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
