I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
