Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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