there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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