I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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