cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
