I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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