I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize