im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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