dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
