oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
