I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she pinky promised me she was 18
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize