Even water is tasting like jack daniels
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize