He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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