I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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