My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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